Your Delicious Life

Let's Get Real About Sex Post Babies

by Alison Nancye
When Lyndal (MiLK Editor) suggested a 'sex' issue for our September edition of MiLK Magazine I must admit my first thought was oh god what am I going to write about?

But as this is a magazine written by mums walking the talk, I think that's the point really. It's not about just telling you to spice up your love life and assuming that's enough. It's about spoon feeding you (makes a change from you spoon feeding the kiddies), and giving you tips and ideas to get the sensual juices flowing to cook up some romance and chemistry in your love life.

With two young children just 13 1/2 months apart, a lot of my time and energy goes to them. And while that's totally ok, I am also recognising more and more how much intimacy, sex and loving expression between my husband and I is SO important too.

So how do I find the energy to express my love to my hubby after putting in a full mummy day’s work every single day of the week, month and year?

I actually think it’s about creating something new. A brand new way to be intimate that didn’t exist before we had kids.

It’s things like having a regular ‘date night’ (check out my life-recipe this month for tips here), it’s about seizing those spontaneous moments when the kids are playing to steal some time for the two of us. It’s also about accepting that our relationship is different now, and has evolved to a whole new place, and that’s totally ok.

In the month leading up to this SEXtember issue coming out, myself, my husband and our kids have been incredibly unwell. It’s definitely been the ‘winter of discontent’ for our family. So finding time, energy and indeed interest to have sex or be intimate with my hubby has been way down the bottom of my list, if on the list at all.

But in all this winter weariness there was this one beautiful moment of intimacy recently that reignited the chemistry I have with my hubby and started those slow fires burning again.

I had just finished cleaning up the last bit of vomit from my little girl throwing up, and finally managed to comfort my little boy who was tired, unwell and crying. And after attending to yet another domestic deed for my hubby while he was ill, I flopped (collapsed more like it) on to the sofa with everyone. I was unbelievably exhausted and feeling incredibly unappreciated. A bit like 'Groundhog Day' really. And then my hubby reached over (through used and abused tissues) and gently held my hand and gazed in to my eyes and smiled and said 'you are such a wonderful wifey and mummy you really are'. And at that moment I fell in love with him all over again.

You see it’s just a few words, a gentle touch, or loving look that can connect you to your partner and ignite your chemistry with each other.

I think the biggest lesson for me in expressing my love with my husband post babies, is to surrender to the here and now. Embrace the moment and be more spontaneous than ever before. And be grateful, so incredibly grateful for those gorgeous intimate moments, even though they are rarer now with kiddies in tow, they are still so very much appreciated, cherished and enjoyed.

Enjoy your intimate moments this month :)

Mothers Have So Much In Common

by Alison Nancye
When I was 17 I painted a huge canvas for my HSC 3 Unit Artwork. It was filled with faces from people from all walks of life.  Young and old, rich and poor, black and white, and every shade in between. And in the background, connecting all of these extremely contrasting faces was a collage of colours, connecting one person to another and another. The message was clear, whilst we may look different on the outside, come from different backgrounds and live different lifestyles, essentially we are made up of the same stuff in between. And when we remember that, we show compassion, love, caring and understanding for all people from all walks of life.

Now 20 years on, and sitting here in the early years of motherhood, I am reminded of this powerful message yet again. And particularly in relation to mothers. Whether I am at the park with my kids, the weekly swim school lessons or hanging out with other mummy friends, our stories are so similar. Sleep deprivation is a killer, when we're sick it's REALLY hard to get through the day, we have our good days and not so good days, and some really CRAP days too. Our relationship with our partners has its highs and lows and we wonder whether we will ever get real time as a couple again and also for ourselves. Family issues, food issues, health and financial issues, which school to send your school to issues, how to get your child to go to school issues, as well as the best ways to get kids to study for their exams. The list goes on and on. And then there's the LOVE, the unbelievable incredible LOVE and bond we have with our amazing and divine children. I could quite seriously talk about that forever. Unconditional love, what an amazing gift of a lifetime.

I was the guest speaker at the NSW Playgroup's Association AGM recently and yet again the same stories were being shared... need to find more ways to nurture mums, need to find ways to connect and share tips, insights and wisdom, and need to be honest and keep things REAL about what life as a mum is really like. Good days, great days and sometimes really bloody hard days.

And hearing all these stories, tells me that Lyndal Edwards and I, and the rest of the (growing) MiLK Team, are on the right track. Community really is different to how our mothers and their mothers raised families. With more working mothers and less family living close by, we simply don't have the hands on help generations of mothers before us had. It really is vital for mothers to come together and support each other in good times and bad. Have laughs with, shoulders to cry on and a sounding board to share our motherhood and life with.

Whatever your day is like, know that somewhere in the world, another mum just like you is going through exactly what you are going through right now. Probably to the letter!

Never be afraid to tell another mother what you are going through, she more than most, will understand. Let's come together to create a whole new way to connect and create communities. The beauty of our generation is we have a virtual world out there waiting for us mothers to connect like we have never connected before.

And that's what part of our vision is for MiLK Magazine and all our products being cooked up in Mums in The Life Kitchen... to give mothers a hub, a sanctuary, an inviting and warm space, to express their motherhood, to nurture and take care of their own mind, body and spirit, and simply to cook up some really wholesome soul food for mums.

Welcome :)

Take Time To Dream

by Alison Nancye

When I was single, without children and working for someone else, I used to love long weekends. But now I have my own business, two mighty toddlers and a hubby that works overseas and interstate a lot, I really relish the time the kids are at Kindy at the start of the week to take time just for me... to dream, to write, to be.

Adults Can Play & Dream Too 

The kids go to Kindy to play, create and have fun, and mummy does the same. I use my time to work, to write, to dream. But loosing Monday on the June long weekend to the Queen’s Birthday (who lives in England and was born in April – still surprises me Australia celebrates this!) meant I hit the ground running feeling like I was chasing my tail no matter how many self congratulatory ticks I placed on my to-do list.

Indulge Yourself

So late in the afternoon when I had about an hour to go before picking the kids up I took a large breath in and looked at my to-do list and thought if I power through vigantly I should get most done. But the inner voice within kept saying 'meditate, meditate, meditate... take time to dream'. I chose the later, and I’m so glad I did. An hour of meditating and dreaming for just me me me, feeds my passions and nourishes my soul every single time I do it. Giving me energy, connecting me to my visions and feeding my creative juices for the whole week ahead. Why part of me still doubts taking time out to do this still surprises me.

Taking Time Out Gives You Time 

A mummy friend said to me the other day, 'god I don't know how you ever find time to meditate'. I replied, 'meditating gives you time, it really does'. When you take time out to exhale, to dream and really engage your right brain, you find solutions you didn't know were there, you tap in to energy you didn't know you had, and you just feel soooo good, and hey, that can only be a good thing right!

Got a Dream You Want to Fulfil? 

If there is anything that you feel an 'inner pull' towards that you would love to be doing today or this week, DO IT. Don’t wait for more time, don’t wait for less things on the to-do list, because you know what, some other activity, chore or task will creep on to your list. Take the time, create the time, make the time, to dream, and live for your dreams TODAY.

Happy dreaming this month mums :)